It was mid March. I was all registered for my exciting, time to finally live, journey with NOLS. I had made it onto the Gibbon Slackline Development Team…. I was flying high. All these amazing opportunities were presenting themselves. GO BIG OR GO HOME!
I love to stay fit and I love to exercise. I’ve done P90X, P90X2, Insanity, Asylum… I continue to play around during the open gym classes at a gymnastics club, I played volleyball in a coed league, and I was coaching and teaching like crazy. Then it happened and I thought my world was going to end.
It was a Thursday night and I was playing in my coed volleyball league. We were down and I was giving it 200%, diving on the ground, running to save the ball before it hit the wall, being aggressive and not even bothering to take names while I was at it. I noticed some pain in my left knee after the second game, but I had iffy knees for years because of my extensive gymnastics, volleyball and track background. I thought I’d ice it tonight and move on like always in the morning. I had been working out like a madman lately. Had never felt so good in my life. Before this night I wasn’t even experiencing any of the usual knee pain. Possibly the calm before the storm?
Went to bed and woke up the next morning scared out of my mind. I couldn’t straighten my leg. What the heck!?! “It’s okay” I thought… “I’ll just push through it.” It was 5:30am and I needed to shower and get ready for work. I hobbled down the stairs and into the shower. I cried. I was scared. I think I ended up in denial that morning. Pretending like nothing was wrong…. I didn’t want to accept the fact that something serious had happened. “This could ruin everything for me”, is all I could think. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.
At the E.R. the doctor gave me x-rays and told me it was a stressed muscle issue that would resolve itself in a day or two. Advised that if it was still an issue after that, to see an orthopedic doctor. NO WAY! It is going to get better, I know it! Well, three days later and still absolutely no improvement. He was wrong.
The appointment with my orthopedic doctor was interesting. In walked this great looking doc who all I could do was warn that if he said the “s” word (surgery), I would have a break down. I was doing WAY too much internet research and knew the consequences of every possible knee injury along with recovery time. I was so scared that my NOLS trip was going to be a bust and that my dream of going pro for slacklining would never come true. I advised my doctor about this trip about 30 times just so he wouldn’t forget and so that maybe he’d magically make it better. It didn’t work. MRI results came back. Partially torn meniscus in my left knee. It tore and ended up jamming up my knee joint so that I could not fully extend nor bend it. Doctor said “you’re going to need surgery” and I kept my word. I was alone in a doctors office, hysterically crying. One of my low points in life for sure. I think the doctor felt a little awkward, unsure of what to do (even though I had warned him!) and he left and sent in his nurse. She hugged me and tried to make me feel better but nothing was going to work at that point. My only thought was “stupid knee has just ruined my chance to go on the NOLS course AND my slackline career…”
Now let me take a quick detour and explain to you that teaching physical education on crutches is probably one of the most strenuous, ridiculous, hilarious, and irritating thing ever! I taught from a computer rolling chair. Now sure it was fun to roll across the gym and give feedback to my students, and use my crutch as an ore, and just look ridiculous. During a 3 way volleyball game, 3 classes versus each other as just a fun day activity, I had wanted to get involved just like the other teachers had. I could do it! Well… I did fine up until I rolled for the ball, caught my foot in the wheel, and face planted onto the floor in front of about 80 students. Laughed for a solid 3 minutes on the ground. Half the students looked concerned while the other half just laughed. Gotta love those 7th graders! It’s a good thing I’m resilient and not easily embarrassed. Needless to say… it was a long month and half on crutches.
I felt defeated. Miserable. I would cry sporadically and curse my knee constantly. My right leg was taking all the weight and it was tired. I was tired. And certainly uneasy and angry at the fact that a huge event for me, the thing that took everything in me to finally step outside my comfort zone and who I was as a person, that there was a possibility that it would be taken away from me. There was no postponing it. I wanted to do it this July. No questions. Sure, it could have been postponed, but I couldn’t think that way. The negativity just flowed through me. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be… my trip..nor going pro.
This way of thinking would have to change…. And it would… and what made it change was something I never thought would have the effect it did on me….. but I’m glad it did.
To Be Continued.
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