What's A Henway???

July 26th, 2012: Well, it’s been over a week now since we’ve entered this mysterious terrain. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of eating breakfast (today was oatmeal with brown sugar, cinnamon and craisins) while overlooking rocks and streams and lakes and flowers and animals. I don’t think I want to leave…

Our lesson today was on webbing and cordelette knots. Overhand, overhand around something, bowlan, autoblock, clove hitch, E.D.K., figure 8’s.  I LOVE knots! They are so much fun to learn and do. I think it’s because I like the structure in it. It has to be done this way, or else it’s wrong. I find I like some structure in my life. Out here in the wilderness, there is structure but it’s loose since you can never quite tell what the weather will do or other factors that you cannot control out here. But knots…. Knots I can control. I can control if they are right, and I can control which one I choose to use. I like that little bit of control, and it’s all I need out here.

We also learned about anchor building and how to tell if it is a good anchor or not. WOWZA! Overwhelming to say the least. I think I feel this away only because I know that safety is in jeopardy if the anchor is built incorrectly. It still looks like it’ll be fun to actually get to build anchors and climb on them; I just hope that someone will say something if something is wrong!  I got to practice building an anchor on the ground with Lillie and Paige. We worked well together and listened to each other. Adam even gave us a time limit and restrictions on what we could use and we succeeded in building an anchor in under 10 minutes! It was a great feeling.

When we got over to the crag and trekked up to the top of our climbs, I was a little nervous. Tyler and I were about to make an anchor that we would rappel down. We looked at our location, and dwelled quite a long while on where the heck to anchor anything! We used our information to try to develop the best anchor possible, but definitely went back and forth a few times.  Tyler is quiet, but was definitely interested in working with me to figure it out which I was excited about. I tried to make him feel comfortable and accepted during the process, as I sometimes sense that he feels left out. He just has a shy personality, but is a really nice kid. So the teacher came out in me a bit and I would check my thoughts with him while building my side of the anchor and he in turn did the same. It opened up a line of communication which was my goal. After nervously checking in with my instructors about if it was okay, my nerves still got the best of me. My instructors are great, but man, can they be vague sometimes. When asked if it was good, they would just refer to our lesson and ask me if I thought it was a “great” anchor. WHAT THE HECK! Tell me yes or no!!!!!  I think for me, I was just really nervous to have someone’s life in my hands and when I basically asked for affirmation that it was safe and didn’t get the straight forward answer I had expected, I was a bit surprised. Well, I guess in the end, you can never be too positive if it’ll work, but as long as I followed the instruction, I’d have to assume it was okay to use. (ut-oh….am I starting to be vague like my instructors??????)

We learned how to rappel and proceeded to rappel twice, once with an autoblock and once with a firemans backup. Rappelling is a lot of fun! BUT, it was made clear by my instructor Adam that this is where the most deaths and accidents occur. Oh crud… this made me nervous. I appreciate knowing this information, so that I know now not to ever get too comfortable setting it up and then miss something. I will always triple check my system on a rappel. But the downfall is that I think I am thinking toooooo much about setting it up that I get confused and mess it up. Hopefully this will subside and I can get my act together. I’m not afraid to complete the actually rappel, I’m just afraid that I set it up wrong.

After a long day of anchors, we cooked dinner. Chase and I forced our young group member Kasey to cook. He wasn’t happy, as he had avoided major cooking in his previous cook group. But not in mine! We were a team and it was his turn. I stayed with him and showed him what to do and helped him out and he made an excellent pasta with tomato sauce. Then…. He didn’t want to clean. Well, if it’s your turn it’s your turn…. So he did after some pushing and strong hints from Chase and I. I hope this stops, because I don’t feel like carrying someone’s weight in duties and really don’t appreciate the negativity it causes among groups when someone tries to avoid doing duties. I don’t how this is going to work out though.  After learning about diabetes and Jack teaching us about Pika’s, we retired to our tents. This is where Kasey finally admitted to us that he could care less about his grade. The grade doesn’t matter, so he isn’t going to care that much about the little things. Chase and I gave each other a look. We were in for a struggle with this tentmate. I was glad to know that Chase was on my side and willing to go through this with me and fight with me as a team. We needed to make Kasey realize that he is a part of a group and him saying and acting those things out are not going to bode well with anyone here and will in turn make his trip and parts of ours miserable. Good luck to us.


July 27th, 2012:  Breakfast today was just cereal… Kasey’s cooking morning so we weren’t surprised at the selection. But we are taking our time with him and not going too hard too soon on him. Our lesson was on how to make PIZZA!!!  Andrew taught us how to make the dough and how to keep our dough babies safe and growing during the day.  Then Adam taught us about the stages of group development. We are in the Norming/Performing stage I believe. We are all getting along, but… I think with Kasey in our group, we may have some storming around the corner for Chase and I and Kasey. We’ll see how it goes.

We got some quiet time to reflect and journal so I took a seat on a great rock and spent a few minutes just looking at the towers in the distance. They are so mesmerizing and beautiful. Here is my word for word reflection:

“Still feel like crying when I’m alone. Not sure why? I don’t miss home, or people really…maybe it’s the fact that I took so long to experience this beauty and simplicity. We smell, we fart, we talk of poop and then what to eat. We talk of simple things, we do simple things like climb rocks and tie knots. We use our brain in a different way. I am less stressed and just think about what I am doing now or the rock I will climb later. There is no forward thinking really… whatever happens, happens.”

My goals for this course are to experience lead climbing, a multipitch climb, and work on my climbing technique and just keep challenging myself.

I hear Jared trundling rocks in the distance as I sit on a rock in silence. He is getting rid of loose rocks or attempting to create climbs that we can be safe on. Adam is with him and they are about 100-200 yards from me, suspended from ropes with ice axes, doing work so that we can play, learn, challenge, and push ourselves.  I can’t say I can describe this feeling I have in words. The feeling I have towards my instructors, nor the feeling I have about myself, nor the feeling I have about this experience. I hope it comes. A part of me wishes it were me on that rock, suspended from ropes, trundling rocks for students to climb. I am beginning to envy the lives my instructors lead. I want to be with them, learn from them, climb with them, hang with them, and be able to continue to have them impact my life in the positive ways they already have. I hope they know that I have an immense level of respect and admiration for who they are and what they do. Wonder if this will change?

When quiet time is over, we learn the grading system of climbs from Andrew and then head to the crag for some climbing. It was exciting! Climbed some 5.8’s, some 5.10’s…and then watched a lead climb demonstration that Andrew and Jared did. After this we got to try lead belaying. I’m hoping I get the chance to lead climb, but I’m not quite sure I’ll get to that level. We’ll see. Jared said that if we aren’t going to lead climb, the least we can do is be a great lead belayer. So we’ll start there.  I got on belay and before Jared goes up to take a whipper on me so that I can see what it would feel like, he asks me how much I weigh. I told him about 110, and he said “okay good, I’m only 140” (an apparent LIE that I would find out later….)  Should I be worried????? I wasn’t anchored… oh well. I’m always game for trying new things!  Andrew back-up belayed me and warned me about going into the wall when Jared fell since he was heavier than me. So I was prepared for that. He yelled “falling” and I took my left hand to join my right hand on the break and barely moved. WHAT THE HECK!? I had prepared myself big time for this wimpy moment?  Jared then comes down and says great job and I just look at him angrily. I then say “that was wimpy. Get back up there and do a REAL one… I need to know how it REALLY feels.”  Thinking that he’d just shake me off and move on, I smiled to make sure he knew I was playing (well…half playing… I did want him to go up again).  Then, he turned around and headed right back up the rock to do it again. OH BOY! He yelled “falling” and this time it was MUCH different. My left hand went to the brake and I flew in towards the rock. To brace my shoulder from smashing the rock, I let go of the brake with my right hand and it went to the rock before my shoulder did. IT WAS AWESOME! However…. I technically failed. Jared was completely safe, and I was NOT going to let him fall since my left hand was glued tight to the brake, BUT I did remove my “brake hand” from the rope. Now I could have been upset, but instead I thought to myself, “well, now that I know what it would feel like, and I know what not to do, I will NEVER mess that up again. I know for a fact that I needed to feel that in order to know for the next time what it would be like to take someone’s whipper and I will do great next time.”  There’s that positive thinking!  To end the day at the crag, I got belay checked and was now okayed to belay on my own without a back-up belayer. Moving up in the world I tell ya!  Jared also began his slight jabs at me, which would continue for the rest of our time in the Winds. And I would not mind at all. =-)   While in the midst of a climb, he shouts up to me “Hey Karyn…watch out for that henway!” right as I was about to make a grab. I stop suddenly… and think to myself, what the heck! We didn’t learn that lingo yet! I shouted back down quickly “what’s a henway????” and he replies with… “ohh… I don’t know…maybe a few pounds.” I then shook my head, jokingly called him a childish name and proceeded with my climb. What a great day it was today!

For dinner we made calzones and Chase had a pizza. HEAVEN IN MY MOUTH! It tasted SO good!  Then Jack went onto the hot seat. Tomorrow we are scheduled to hike to Big Sandy where we will be able to see the Cirques. It’ll be 5.5 miles up 1000 feet and then down 1000 feet. Let’s do this!

A Stormy Day Followed By Sunny Stars

July 24th, 2012:  Today I enjoyed a breakfast of perky’s with peanut butter and brown sugar and some hot cocoa to wash it down. Today is my last breakfast with the girls, Lillie and Paige. Today we will change tent/cook groups and they will be mixed gender. I’m a little nervous about this since I am the oldest by some number of years. I don’t want it to be awkward. I just hope I don’t get put with the two youngest boys….that might be very awkward. But, luckily I was placed with one young fella, Kasey from Washington D.C. and twenty year old Chase from Tampa, FL.  I was nervous to share a tent with the boys, but excited at the same time because I had yet to really get to know these two.

We gave and received tent feedback this morning. I like this, but at times it was very difficult to come up with constructive criticism. We found ourselves nit picking, not because we were afraid to be “mean” but more so because we thoroughly enjoyed each other and felt we all worked well. I also enjoyed that we had to provide feedback for ourselves and share it. I do find that sometimes I can be very hard on myself which isn’t very productive at times, but then again it is always productive to hear your peers say they disagree with the criticism you supply to yourself.  In my tent group I was told that I should pay attention to small details when I cook (like which direction to turn the stove to turn it off), and to relax more. Lillie told me she feels that in the beginning I was still stressing myself out and that I was definitely getting better. If there is someone that I should learn from in the “relax and chill” department, it is her. I respect her attitude towards things so much and I feel I could learn a lot from her. On the upside, I was told that I am positive, energetic, supportive and organized.

Today was a re-ration day. We went and hiked 1.2 miles down 600feet to pick up the food. Nate, Paige and I were on food inventory, so before we left we collected all the groups food, combined leftover food, made a list of what we had and will take what we still have out of the re-ration that horse packers are bringing us. We hiked down to our re-ration location and proceeded to wait for the packers. We were introduced by Rich to a game called Contact. We played this hilarious game as a large group for about two hours. At this point, I began to feel a little less bonded with the group. I think I imagine this sometimes though... or maybe put it on myself by not putting myself out there more. Believe it or not, I can be very socially timid and not want to step outside my comfort zone and put myself out there, even though I want to be involved. So that in turn, I think, makes others feel that I don't want to be involved. This is something I have struggled with my whole life, and I'm not sure the wilderness will change this aspect of me.

After playing for an extended period of time, we looked at our watches and realized that the horse packers had not shown up when they should have.  Our three instructors met off to the side to decide a game plan. This was a rare occurrence.  They decided that Andrew and Adam would return to camp for the Sat phone to see if there were messages about the re-ration, while Jared would take all of us and hike to the trail head to see if we could meet/find them.

We hiked like little ducklings following their mother (Jared). Not 5 minutes into the hike, a gust of freezing cold wind came through and the skies darkened and it began to downpour HAIL! We stopped and put on our rain gear as fast as we could while listening to the reminders of lightening stance that Jared was spewing out to us. The hail changed to a downpour of rain, then it happened. A bright strike of lightening immediately followed by a huge roar of thunder, the loudest thing ever! I stayed calm, but definitely did a duck move when it happened. We were signaled immediately by Jared to take our stances. I ran to a somewhat open area and sat on my pack and made myself as small as possible. We sat for about 8 minutes listening to thunder and watching bolts of lightning streak the skies.  I was scared, but confident that I was safe. I didn’t want to look up, but the sounds were tempting so I did every once in a while. It was a pretty marvelous experience, but also pretty scary. Really makes you realize how fragile and spontaneous the world can be.

When the lightning and thunder were far enough apart to ensure safety, we proceeded to hike in the rain. We continued to get soaked, but I didn’t mind. It’s odd to think that at home, this would be irritating, I’d want to go inside and stay dry, etc. But here, there was no option and it was totally cool. We got wet, and did what we had to do. We didn’t wait. I liked this way of thinking and doing. I hope it stays with me…..

We got to the trailhead and found no horses. We waited 15 minutes in which time the skies turned blue, the sun shone brightly, and the rain disappeared. It’s kind of eerie the way the weather changes so abruptly in the Winds. We started to walk back towards camp when we met up with Andrew and Adam. They explained that the horse packers were delayed because of truck problems so we had to continue our hike away from camp to meet with them. We “deja vu’d” back to the trail head and continued on. Finally we noticed some boxes inside a bear fence. Oh boy. They left all our items for us, we assumed they must have had to leave to fix the truck. What does this mean?....  We were not able to get rid of our trash, we had to now carry an extra bear fence along with extra boxes and extra fuel cans and food. Extra weight.  At first we were all a bit upset at this thought, but our positive instructor Andrew put it into perspective for us. “At least we have food and the gear we need.”  Very true. Again, change the way you think. Stop thinking negative and focus on the positives of the situation and it makes it so much more bearable. We got straight to work divvying up the food and weight and then began the trek back to camp. We got back around 8:30pm, and had hiked close to a total of 15 miles that day. WHAT A DAY!

It was a short night since it was already late. Under the sunset, Chase, Kasey and I cooked gato gato (peanut butter pasta…yummy) and went to bed for the first time with my new tent mates. Needless to say… the night continued to be quite interesting from inside our tent. Apparently our tent mate Chase was a midnight moaner. He proceeded to moan before falling asleep. Me, not having gotten very good sleep yet, was still awake and laying there feeling kind of curious as to which tent mate it was and laughing to myself silently. All of a sudden out of the silence I hear Kasey inquire “what in the word…?!?!?!”  I doubled over laughing so hard at that comment that it woke Chase up. We explained to Chase what he was doing and all of us laughed pretty hard. After a few minutes we returned to our attempted slumber to hear it once again…. And once again, after about 5 minutes of moaning, Kasey exclaims “man… I wanna know who you dreamin’ about?” Again, booming laughter from all three of us. It was a great first night of bonding for us. Good thing we all have a great sense of humor.


July 25th, 2012: HOORAY! 4 hours of sleep! What an eventful evening.  For breakfast we had hash browns with sausage and cheese. Our lesson this morning was on protection placement (cams, tri cams, nuts, C3’s, etc.). It was really intriguing. I think I might like this. Makes you seem like a legit climber to know how to place protection!

We hiked to a crag and proceeded to climb 5 routes. There were a lot of crack climbing sections which was fun. Once we returned to base camp I got the privilege of helping Jared count and store all our climbing equipment. I really enjoyed doing this, not because I’m beginning to enjoy the company of someone closer in age (not necessarily maturity…haha), but because it allows to me learn more about the gear and get more hands-on time with it. While we were inventorying the equipment, the rest of the group went with Andrew and Adam to have a fly fishing lesson.

For dinner I cooked a rice stir fry with peppers and sausage.  Jared then took the hot seat and I taught the environmental explorer on how the air works in the Winds. I thoroughly enjoy listening the lives of the instructors. I am mesmerized by their lives and how they choose to live them. You can tell Jared tries to be more humble and not gloat, but I feel that he has some pretty epic stories. I thought my lesson went well, but as a teacher, I am always critiquing myself and thinking that it could have gone better. Again my need to strive for perfection. Must be the gymnast in me.

Following the lesson we played some more cards and hung out for a bit. Jared pulled me aside to have an advisor meeting where he asks me questions about how I’m doing. Am I happy, comfortable, included, etc. We spoke about some of my worries about the age difference and maturity difference and bonding. I think I’ll be okay since that is what I do, I adjust to my situations. I just know that my bonding will not be the same with them as they will have with each other just because of my age difference. I mean, the girls have already changed their ways a bit, flirting with the boys and being very thoughtful of how they were presenting themselves, something that was not there when I shared a tent with them. But I guess that happens, and it’s something I will deal with.

Tonight, when Chase arrived back to our tent late, he woke me up and told me get my butt out of the tent. I obliged out of curiosity and I’m glad I did. Chase replied with “you’ve got to see these stars!!” I have gone to bed somewhat earlier almost every night we’ve been out here, so I tend to miss the stars. The nights I was up late, it was overcast and you could not see any.  This was the first night that I was able to see the multitude of stars, covering every inch of the sky, shining brightly and making me feel an overwhelming feeling of calmness and happiness. It’s really quite amazing the simple things that can make you feel so special when you are out in the wilderness. I think I could really get used to this. I then continued on to dream of the stars and the life I would love to have.

Base Camp, Climbing and.....Gas??

July 22nd, 2012:  Today was a SORE day…. So sore. All this hiking has really done a number but we must carry on. I woke and packed my pack… a running theme here; pack, unpack, pack, unpack. At least I was getting to be a lot better at it! Ate a lovely breakfast of oatmeal with raisins, apples and brown sugar too.  That should be good to get me going for the hike ahead of us.

We then got a lesson on the seven leadership skills. I enjoyed learning these and comparing myself to them to see how many of them I had. After all, this is a learning experience, so I might as well see what I have to learn! Our groups then reviewed the maps and did the usual routine of estimating distance and elevation gain. We had to go uphill the entire time for about 2 miles. I hiked today with Rich, Lillie and Jared. We were headed to our first base camp. Pretty exciting time for us. A place for us to unpack, and not have to pack again for a few days! A place we can call “home” for a little.

We hiked slowly as it was all uphill. A slow incline next to a creek with mountain peaks on both sides. It was amazing. Every once in a while I would just pause to look around and really appreciate where I was and what I was accomplishing so far. On this hike, I ended up having some breathing problems and was pretty tired, but I chugged along. Almost fell in the river when crossing it too… had to be saved by Jared (an occurrence that would happen many a times in the upcoming weeks).  I had felt somewhat uncomfortable crossing where we did as the rocks looked wet, but there wasn’t much choice and the group decided to go for it, so we did. I think my overprotecting of my knees was sometimes a setback for me and caused me to look stupid more than actually looking safe. We hiked towards these towers off in the distance and as they got closer they continued to fascinate the group. They were magnificent looking and of course, tempting to touch. But no way were we headed up there!  Instead we hiked up an incline of rocks, attempting to switchback when we could. It was a great relief to see the other group once we got there! I made it, out of breath and all!

For the next hour, we spent the time trying to decide on which location should be used as our tent area, and which as our kitchen (as they had to be 200 feet apart). We didn’t want to rough up nature too much with our tents since we’d be there for a few days, but there wasn’t enough room for our tents at the other area. But, as a group, after thoroughly checking out the locations, we decided and set up our tents and kitchens. Our tent pole broke too today during the set up. Paige pulled a bit too hard and snap. Good thing we have smart men around that came over to fix it! Paige was pretty scared that we’d be mad at her for that, and I was a bit irritated at first. Then I looked around at where I was and view we had from our tent and figured, it wasn’t worth it. She didn’t mean it and it was totally fixable. So we comforted her and moved on.

Our instructor Andrew then completed a lesson with us on knots (figue 8, double figure 8, figure 8 on a bend) and hitches. We did them with our eyes closed, we put them on things. It was fun. I prefer the hands on learning. More entertaining, of course. I also like the challenges presented with this. Must have a well-dressed figure 8…. Of course at first I was like, seriously….what does it matter. But we had fantastic instructors who always provided explanations and after thinking it through, it made sense. Easier to adjust and easier to check to see if it was tied correctly. DUH! Stop in your head complaining about the small things. They don’t matter. Remember to smile and be grateful to be where you are. (Little would I know that I would catch on to tying well-dressed knots pretty easily with the help of Jared who showed me there are techniques to getting it right every time, which I of course paid attention to. I wanted to learn, and knot tying actually became one of my favorite things to do during my down time).

Following the knot lesson we got down to some more fun stuff!  We all put on our shoes and Jared then demonstrated to us varying foot techniques. We would walk up or traverse across rocks at our basecamp. We learned smearing, edging and smedging. Glad I read up on rock climbing lingo and technique before I came. I think it helped me with knowing what to do with my shoe, but in the end it was Jared that got us to realize how it actually worked. It’s got to be weighted for it to stick.  We also felt some rock so he could define hand holds like pinches, mantles, jugs and crimps.  And of course, quite an embarrassing, but “whatever” type of moment had occurred during the lesson. And leave it to me to be the girl to do it (I’m not at all a girly girl and I have 3 brothers… ).  So, gas was passed. HAHA (I laugh so hard thinking about it). To this point, the gas had proceeded to be passed freely amongst the males. Blame the NOLS rations… it’s just the effect it has on you. Noises would happen, and lectures moved on with small laughter and giggles from the audience. This time, the lesson had continued until it was realized that it wasn’t a male who had done it. “Wait a second… Karyn was that you?!” My reply was a blatant “well yeah, you don’t think we have to do that ever?”  The replies were hilarious. Jacks reply was “it was so cute.” Dalton on the other hand looked at me in horror. “That was really you?” he said with sheer concern on his face. He then proceeded to explain that I was his first girl fart. Well, if that doesn’t make it that much more embarrassing. I mean, the other girls already vowed they would never do it in front of the guys. Me on the other hand didn’t care, but it was still early in the trip and I guess I didn’t feel THAT comfortable yet, but it had to happen. So, as a way to make everything seem totally normal and acceptable, I replied to Dalton’s comment of me being his first with a hardy high five and a “yeah, I’m your first!!” Of course I would handle it like this… that’s how I am. Let’s try to make EVERYONE feel “normal” again.

For dinner we had beans and cheese quesadillas that I cooked. It rained a little and for our closure Dalton taught us about fungus (lykon).  It’s cool to get the chance to learn from each other. I’m sure the instructors were happy to get a break from the teaching too.

That evening was the start of the card nights that would occur every night until we left. I would not be involved in all, but tonight I was amongst Chase, Nate, Lillie, Lee, Dalton and Rich. We played presidents and of course, since we were in a positive learning environment, names of the positions were changed to ensure we would not get in trouble with the General… Jared. But of course, he retired to bed and it all let loose.

I am though, still having trouble sleeping, and Jared explained it is probably from the altitude. Still hoping to at least FEEL like I slept a little tonight.


July 23rd, 2012:  Breakfast today was sausage and onions in hash browns. Our instructors then took us on a parade, bomb proof checking our kitchens and tent areas. We didn’t pass with flying colors, but we also didn’t fail miserably. I’d say we were right where we needed to be. Little things just needed to be accounted for and we could totally get that done for next time.

We had a helmet lesson today and learned the 10 ways to screw up feedback with Adam. He’s hilarious. The most laid back out of all the instructors and most willing to admit he forgot his paper and couldn’t remember them all. Makes him seem human and not super hero. I liked it though, instead we all put our heads together and came up with them on our own. It became a better class I think and we felt more included in it. While this was occurring, Jared and Andrew were off at the crag, trundling rocks and making sure it was safe for our next lesson!

After walking a short distance to the crag, Jared and the other instructors taught us about belaying and climbing commands that we must adhere to and showed us how to use our ATC’s. Be sure to check yourself visually, verbally, and tactilely. THEN WE GOT TO CLIMB!!! We climbed with secondary belayers to ensure safety until we had some practice under our belts (it would be a day or two). I was excited to see how awesome outdoor climbing is! Definitely enjoy it way better than indoor climbing! My first climb was nerve racking though. It was a bit scary to climb on real rock. I was shaking from a mixture of excitement and nervousness. I didn’t want to fall and get hurt, but you push through that, or at least I do. I’m glad I did because after the first one, I was on fire. My second climb was a 5’9 and I only made it half way up. In my head I KNEW I could do it though. So of course, I wanted a second chance. Got on there after a few more people attempted it, with Nate as my belayer. This is where I discovered a respect for Nate. He got me up that rock, no doubt. I passed the part that had given me problems the first time. Good thing I have some muscle on me, because I totally muscled through the move. Then, there were no hand holds!  I wanted to reach the top! Not because I wanted to be successful, but because I knew I could do it, and my goal when climbing is to just get to the top. I couldn’t care less about onsights and all that jazz. I was there to learn and see how far I could push myself through my mental blocks, not to be the best and be all “pro-like.” At one point, I thought I was done for…. But hearing Nate from below spew words of encouragement and even some “I’m not letting you down till you’re up at the top” really got me through it. It pushed me through that mental block. And I made it! Probably one of the best all time feelings I have ever had. It was a high that I’m not sure could be matched ever again. I made sure to thank Nate after landing safely back on the ground.

Following the climb, Adam showed us how to make a back pack out of the rope and we tested ourselves on it, and we debriefed on the climbs and safety. I liked the debriefing. It was nice to rethink what we had done and examine if things could have been done differently. It was a great time to learn from yourself and others.  Then we went back to site, cooked soup with rice for dinner, and listened to Tyler on the hot seat talk about his life and then Paige taught us how the mountains formed.

Tomorrow we would get our first re-ration of food. How exciting!  Card games commenced again as usual, this time with the game of Hearts. Fun and bonding time was a bit forced on my side, only because I still felt odd being the oldest, but I pushed through and of course managed to have a good time, again, because that is what I do.


The following is an almost exact excerpt from today’s journaling when we had some down time to journal and reflect on our journey so far:

I must say that this is the first day that I actually feel calm. Living on the East Coast and living in a family with a lot of drama has created this heaviness that has always sat on me. I hadn’t noticed it till just now. I felt physically, mentally and emotionally different. We got time to just sit and I realized that it feels good to not feel so much pressure. Pressure to do well in school, to be a great teacher, to deal with family crises, to do things right, to take care of what was my responsibility, to deal with friends not calling back, and people needing you. It was….. peaceful. I can’t say I’ve ever felt this before. In return, I started noticing other things. I can hear the bugs and the river. I can feel the breeze, the warm sun upon my face. I can smell the fresh air, the dirt and rock below me, and the pine. At this point, I still couldn’t even believe that I was there. I had made it. My hard work in rehab and at home to heal had paid off. I realize that the money to get me here out of pocket didn’t even matter. This experience and opportunity makes me feel that this is so worth it. I have thought nothing of home. At one point last night, I felt the slightest sadness in knowing that I couldn’t text people a picture of where I was or what I was doing. But not because I missed them. More so because I wanted to share the joy and peace that I was feeling and make others realize it does exist. But, not having electronics is the best feeling. It is so exhilarating and humbling. To see mountain peaks on all four sides of me, with snow patches, trees, rocks, grass, clouds, blue skies….and my new friends. It makes me realize how wonderful, fragile and short life can be. Take time, relax, don’t sweat the small stuff. Live, laugh, love everything and everyone. Respect each other, the earth and things. Take time to breathe in, feel the wind, sit in silence, lay on the dirt, get dirty, live simple. The reward is great and changes are happening. The commraderie, the help that our group gives each other, just after knowing each other for 4 days is so amazing to see and be a part of. I feel like I have missed out on so much of life being 27 (the oldest of the group by 5 years), but…..it’s never too late. I’m here now and that’s all that matters. It was possible.

Hikes, Cakes, and How to Poop in the Woods….

I’d like to say that today I woke up…. But instead I just got up at 7:00am. Not quite sure I slept last night? I don’t feel tired, but I don’t ever recall sleeping. Heard noises, snoring from the tent next to us, and the person next to me…?  Anyways, it is now July 20th. This is the last morning with the toilet. After today it’s all nature.

This morning we ate cheesy bagels that Jared cooked for us and he taught us what food was what, how to cook it and especially how to use the stove and clean. Cleaning is interesting. Eat all your remnants, boil water… and drink it. Sounds gross, I’m sure, but in all honesty it was not that bad. Throughout my wilderness cooking, I have found that one of my favorite gray waters to drink is the drained pasta water…YUM! We also learned that we will not be eating lunch. Why bother, we’ll be busy hiking and eventually climbing. So in its place, we shall just snack! Makes sense after thinking about it. I’m interested to see if I will be hungry, or too busy focusing on other things that it won’t even bother me. We’ll see.

Our lesson today was on self-sufficient hiking groups and self-care. We learned what we needed to carry in our hiking group in order to be prepared in case we should not make it to our next campsite. Well I hope we make it! At this point I was still nervous… can’t say I was completely comfortable just yet. The people seemed great! I wasn’t scared about animals or any of that stuff.  But we hadn’t yet hiked. I still didn’t know just how difficult it would be to carry a pack almost half my weight up into the mountains. We also talked about how to put on your boots (right down to putting on socks! This was serious stuff). We also learned about foot care, wearing sunscreen and bug spray, how much lovely water to drink, etc.

Following the lesson we packed our bags. It wasn’t too long ago I did this…. And heck it still was not easy!!  This time it only took me one and half times to pack (just had to unpack half my pack to repack it). Big feat!! I was pretty proud. It still was not perfect, but the feel and the way the weight was dispersed was much better than yesterday.

We were then introduced to something I had VERY little experience with, which was map reading. We got into our hiking groups (Rich, me, Nate, Tyler and Jared). We estimated the distance to be traveled at about 3.8 miles, going from about 8,000ft to 9,100 feet of elevation. As we began our hike, I felt good. I tried out different walking styles, yes, I know, weird. On our journey we learned how to navigate through the wilderness using handrails and other markers to help guide us. We made decisions, took breaks, and ate snacks. Jared taught us about forest fires and how sometimes fire is good for trees so that they can pollenate (so not sure if that’s the best terminology here….) so that more trees will grow.

We hiked mostly on trail and finally made it to our destination. We were thirsty so Nate, Tyler, Rich and I decided to take a daring trek to get some water. Little did we know, there was a much easier way. We walked on fallen logs 4 feet in the air, went over, under, around, used trees to balance us and laughed at how tired we felt. Making it to a beautiful, cold, running creek made it worth it. It was simply gorgeous and exhilarating to know that no one was around except for us. On the way back, Nate and I decided to stop and have a pull up contest… he did 14 no kip and I did 12 no kip. I was close.

The lessons continued that evening. We learned Leave No Trace principles and performed hilarious skits about them. Jack and I did ours on “leave what you find” and “dispose of waste properly.”  Needless to say, we choose the “waste” that would be most fun for the audience. ;-)   We also had the best lesson with Adam on how to poop in the woods. Some main points were pretty hilarious. Just note there are many different positions, many different toilet paper substitutions, be sure the cat hole is deep, and be sure you can stomp it out. Let me assure you though, that going to the bathroom in the wilderness is probably one of the most peaceful things you could experience. Just saying.

For desert that evening, we celebrated Chase’s birthday with a cake!  Andrew attempted to bake a splendid cake, but cried when he burnt it. We all still thought it was pretty fantastic to be having cake in the woods.
That night when we went to bed, we joked from tent to tent, had a massage train to ease our sore muscles, and attempted to sleep. Yet again for me, it would not come. There was some thunder and lightning in the wee hours of the morning with little rain. I know this only because I’m sure I wasn’t sleeping.

The 21st of July also hosted a hike.  I “woke” (a.k.a got up) at 6:00am, packed once again (you’ll find we do this a lot…unpacking would seem to be useless, but unfortunately my sleeping bag was at the bottom and the food had to be removed and placed into the bear fence overnight anyways). I believe I was becoming pro at packing my pack though. We ate breakfast, packed our snacks, and reviewed the map with our hiking group. Today I would hike with Dalton, Jack, Lee and Jared.

We estimated a 6 mile hike today… much longer than yesterdays, AND we were sore. We would cross the continental divide (you’d think there was a line… but there was none, I tried to find it…. Maybe it was under some leaves…ha) and do a lot of off trailing. I was nervous and rightfully so. The hike was very much uphill, up steep inclines of rock and tree roots and dirt. We even learned how to cross water. With our feet soaked, we just carried on. I also give myself an “A+” for paying attention to my feet. My left heel decided to be angry with me and to help prevent a blister, Jared showed me (actually more like did it for me) how to take care of it.

I must say that today I started to believe that I would make it. I struggled on the hike today, but my group was supportive. They let me lead on the difficult terrain so that they wouldn’t use their long legs to leave me in the dust. I was giving it my all, and staying positive. To be honest, I was being very protective of my knees, and would probably continue this throughout the course. I still was very afraid that I would be the one to leave early if I wasn’t careful. And here I was hiking with 18-20 year old boys who probably don’t care and just want to speed on over to the next camping area. But I’m not a quitter, and I don’t like to show weakness, so I kept on and kept up. These little legs of mine, they were going to shine….. and get pretty toned.

We arrived at the next camping area, tired and ready to relax. The girls decided it was a good time to “shower.” We filled our drom, paced out our steps away from a water source, and did the best we could. Found out the hard way that it was a pretty pointless task. We were all going to smell, and get used to it, so needless to say… that was the first and last shower I would take on this trip.  Made some couscous with sausage and peppers for din din. The food is actually good, and I’m glad it’s hard to screw up. I swear that no matter what you do to the food, it’ll always still be tasty. Were we just really that hungry???? We got scolded by our instructors (Jared, Andrew and Adam) for not bomb proofing our tents, we had our nightly gathering where we got a lesson on Pine Beetles from Jared and then Kasey shared his life with us. Tired and sore, we got into our tents, and attempted sleep once again. Maybe I got some… up until Lillie decided she wanted my “pillow” (my jacket!). Just took it right out from under my head that girl did…. Should I take it back? Nah…she looked so peaceful. I think I’ll just suffer and let her enjoy my pillow and I’m sure I’ll get it back eventually. I mean… I’m not really sleeping anyways.

Last Day with Civilization... And Toilets...

It was the 19th of July… our course start date. I was super excited to get started on this mysterious journey. I had met everyone (well…almost everyone, Lee forgot the starting date and booked his flight for today…. So he’ll be late..) and we all seemed to be drunk with intrigue and eagerness. While sitting in the rec room last night surrounded by a flock of boys, I inquired loudly “HEY! Who’s doing Roc 1???” A group of boys raised their hand and introductions began. “How old are you??” I was asked by Jack. Since all the boys had stated their age as between 18-20, I was hesitant and decided to play a guessing game… would my maturity shine through??  “I would guess 22 or 23” (I guess not..) the boys announced together. My reply… “sure… we’ll go with that….”   I would of course share my age that evening at our meeting when our instructors asked if any of us were over the age of 21, and I embarrassingly enough, was the only one to raise my hand.  Thank goodness my instructors were good at their jobs and raised their hands with me to make me feel just a bit better.  To be honest, I was sort of worried to be the oldest by a good solid 5 years (Rich showed up… he was 22 and Tyler, he was about to turn 18). Now I can play “kid” as well as the rest, but would I genuinely fit in? Guess I would find out. 

We ate breakfast early and scooted off with our belongings to the NOLS branch where we received a tour.  On the wall in a small hallway there was a gigantic map of Wyoming where our instructor Jared proceeded to show us our route. I got scared at this point. It looked on the map like we would have to walk for long hours for many days to ever get to where he pointed. Would I be the fool to get evac’d because my knee couldn’t handle it???  Deep breath…. Positive thoughts.  I can do this. 

What’s very remarkable about this organization is that from the very start of a course, the students are responsible for everything. We stood in a line, washed our hands, and entered a room full of big garbage type pails on wheels shoved under counters with lists and scales and plastic baggies. Overwhelming… nahhhhh. But what the heck are we doing?  Oh…. It is our responsibility to prepare our food that will be going with us and also the food that will be re-rationed to us at two points during our course. How awesome!  We got to work, grabbing scales and baggies and sharpies. We looked at the list, found the food, measured out what the list said, tied it up, crossed it off. I ended up bagging one of my top category of foods… pasta!!! And boy would we have plenty of that!  Four 8oz bags of this, six 12oz bags of that, five 16oz bags of these. It really makes you appreciate the food and the work that goes into planning out an expedition. I can’t say I will ever take packing up food for a camping trip for granted ever again. And having this responsibility placed upon us really started to involve us in the preparation process for what would be OUR experience. Now, food is important, and someone needs to make sure it gets to us, and we left that in the hands of NOLS. Let’s hope it makes it! 

We received a lesson from our instructor Andrew about how to pack our packs. It was basically a magic trick. I am convinced he had a trick bag.  Here we were with large hiking packs, and on the ground surrounding us was about 50 pounds of gear/food/etc that needed to somehow be put in what now looks like a small pack…. Yikes.  Needless to say, Andrew showed us about 5 ways to pack our bags. I chose to go with the no compression sacks, just shove it in and work it down technique. We laid out all of our gear we brought ourselves and waited for an instructor to come check it. My instructor Adam came over and confirmed and dismissed plenty of items of mine. Then I was sent to the Gulch where Kelly, an employee there, helped me rent/purchase the last of the gear Adam thought I needed. And if we went back and forth on the NOLS wind pants enough…. Sheesh. I did rent them and they were pretty rad. 

After an extremely awkward discussion between the three of us girls going on the trip and our male head instructor, Jared, on feminine hygiene, I was pumped to start the packing. Well… I thought… this is going to be interesting. No deodorant, no razors, 1 pair of clothes, climbing gear, toothbrush, soap (multi use for toothpaste too), long johns, warm jacket, wind jacket, fleece, socks, underwear, sports bra, food, a rope, and small items like sunscreen, bugspray, etc. Doesn’t seem like much. Talk about minimalist. Now I was getting real nervous. I’m going to STINK! I thought. But I guess I wouldn’t be the only one. So relax. I miraculously shoved all my items into my pack (yes…after unpacking and repacking about 4 times trying to figure out the best way). I’d pack most my stuff, then notice a large item that belonged on the bottom. Shoot! Mulligan! Now it was time to lift it. I thought to myself “pleaseeeee be able to pick this pack up and not blow out a knee.” BAM! Success! It was up and onto the scale. 53 pounds! Excuse me?!?  I only weight 113 pounds.  BUT, there was no complaining. I was a part of team, and that means I carry my weight in group gear, and travel lightly with my own gear.  Now put a smile on your face and say “I am ready for this.”

We placed our packs on the roof of the most diesel school bus you will ever see! It was like a school bus met the terminator. I hopped up onto the roof (yes, little ole me…) and helped haul up all those 50-60 pound packs. Jared and I tied them down, then I hopped on the steaming hot bus and we pulled out of the lot around 3:15pm. This is it. No turning back now. 

As the mountains appeared in the distance and continued to get closer I could feel my body relax. It was strange. I thought I’d be nervous the closer I got, but instead just the opposite. I had never felt so happy and excited to begin this journey with these people. 

The bus ride was smooth….then bumpy….then REAL bumpy… then we stopped. I again hopped onto the roof and started to unload the bus. That night we’d be staying in a campground at Sweet Canyon I believe it was called. Our last day with somewhat of a toilet.  We grabbed our packs and hiked literally 100 yards up a slight hill. I thought I was going to die!!!!!!! Now, I have very mild asthma, and I had heard that sometimes people could have problems with it in the thin air. I was PRAYING that it was the thin air and not ME being out of shape. I don’t want to be that person! BUT, I was put somewhat at ease when fellow coursemate Chase said he was out of breath and nervous about it too. At least I wasn’t alone?  Here’s to a hopeful QUICK acclimation! 

Our lessons that night included bear camping protocol and how to use the bear spray, setting up a tent and water purification.  I’d have to say that the water purification scared me more than the bear information. Now I don’t like water anyways, it kind of grosses me out and has no taste and it’s pretty boring if you ask my taste buds. And now… now I would have to drink at least 4 liters a day from ponds, lakes, streams, rivers, marshes…heck maybe even a puddle. I don’t know.  There’d be dirt, and little buggies, and other weird things in there I’m sure. BUT, I could do this. Smile. No complaining, I have no choice. I need to drink something. I will figure it out. 

My first tentmates and cookmates were the other two females, Lillie and Paige. Lillie was what I consider, an earth child. She was mellow, and just seemed to fit right into the wilderness with ease. Paige was a rock climbing GIRL but was probably one of the most caring people on the course. This will be interesting. We ate our packed sandwiches (from the cafeteria at NOLS that we made for ourselves after lunch), learned, talked, joked, and then huddled into our tee-pee shaped tents to attempt to get some sleep. Unfortunately, sleep would not come…….. 

Power of Positive Thinking??

I have always been one to follow the theory of “everything happens for a reason.”  Throughout the time I spent on crutches, I tried desperately to search for that reasoning. Was I not supposed to go on the trip?  Was I a bad person? Did I say bad things about someone? What did I do?!

A family friend of ours practices holistic healing in the form of Reiki (a hands-off healing that works to change the patient’s energy/life force).  Now, I am not into this kind of stuff. I don’t practice yoga regularly, or meditate, or anything of that nature. But I was desperate and was willing to do ANYTHING in order to make my healing process go faster. Our friend squeezed me into her tight schedule and I was certified a week before my surgery. During the certification, I came across a quote which included the line “It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.”  Why was I so afraid to ACCEPT the fact that my knee was injured and see the good it had to offer me?  My family friend kept advising me of the power of positive talk. I didn’t have “bad knees,” I just had an “injured knee.”  The latter is healable, the first is not. Her positive energy and words really did help me to see that it was okay to be injured, it happens and I have no control over it. But I do have the control over how I feel about it and what I can do about it.  Stop playing the victim, and start fixing the situation. From the moment I walked out of her house, I felt a renewed energy inside me. A positive energy that said “I can get through this, and I WILL be on that NOLS course, if not now, later.”

How could I feel so sorry and miserable for myself?  I have middle school students who fight disease, disabilities, death, and so much more each day. And they are only 12 year olds! At least I have something that can be fixed. I will be able to exercise again. I will be able to climb, and slackline. I will overcome this miniscule challenge as I have seen my students get through worse. So, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I looked around at my students, my reiki master, and other places to find the positive encouragement I needed to believe that I would make it to Wyoming.

It was April 20th, 2012 and I was feeling groggy coming back from the anesthesia. I was drinking some gingerale, which I don’t at all remember ordering, but apparently I did…. And I was eating a buttered English muffin. The first words that came out of my Doctor’s mouth when he strolled into the waiting room to debrief my mother on how I had done were, “she’ll be able to go on her NOLS trip.”  Well, apparently he had not forgotten my number one fear and priority. But, he failed to explain just how hard, mentally and physically, the rehab was going to be for me.

I had exactly 3 months to prepare my body for a grueling experience. Recovery time for an athlete with this injury is 3-4 months following surgery. I walked into my rehabilitation center and met Lisa, the woman who would assist in my recovery. After the initial assessment, I asked her if she felt I would be ready to hike miles and miles up and down mountains with a 50-60lb pound pack on my back in the Wind River Range in Wyoming.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget her look of nervousness, as I knew she heard the desperateness in my voice. Her reply…. “we have a lot of work to do.”  I could barely bend my leg and straightening… forget it. It had been in the same position for a month and half.  Measurements compared the muscle in my two legs and the findings were disheartening. I lost at least an inch, some places an inch and a half, off my muscles in my left leg. BUT! Stay positive…. The positive is that I had been working out like a fiend for the past two years and guess what? Muscles have memory, and hopefully my muscle memory wasn’t suffering from Alzheimer’s.  “Okay Karyn, flex your quadriceps muscle…… are you doing it?”  I replied “yeah totally…” Well, oh crud. Apparently my quad had forgotten how to contract. It’s okay!!! Minor setback. I can do this!  If there is one thing I am not, I am NOT a quitter. I was determined to give it my all.  And that apparently showed to the employees at the rehab center as the note in my folder read “challenge her, she likes to be challenged.”

I spent two months, twice a week at the center and three times a week at home, working on my leg. Forcing an extremely painful bend and extension every day, multiple times.  Lunges that felt so wrong, single leg pressing an embarrassing 20 pounds and then increasing to 70, learning how to jog again, and working the flexibility I had lost…. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth the pain.  I would be close to tears in between my classes at school, as the pain trying to use my leg was horrible at times, especially after standing all day teaching P.E. The tears too almost came because it was hard. I wanted to give in to the negative thoughts about giving up and never accomplishing the things that were inside my heart. But, I was determined. “Hey Ms. C, are you excited for your wilderness trip?” my students would ask. My reply…. “HECK YEAH!!”

Well, it happened. With the deer antler I started taking immediately after my surgery, to the reiki sessions I did to my knee, to the extra work and effort I did during the rehab of my knee….. I healed. It wasn’t perfect yet. I was still missing the full range of motion when I would bend it, and it still ached from time to time, but I didn’t cancel my trip. I wanted to try. Would I be “that” student? The one who gets evacuated out in a helicopter because my knee gets reinjured? Oh well! At least I could say that I tried my hardest.

So what was the reason? Why did I get injured three months before a major event in my life that I was looking forward to?  Well, sometimes life gives you lemons, and you just have to make lemonade.

I needed to prove to myself that I still had it in me to overcome challenges in my life. I was tired from the fight I put into graduating from college (a post in itself). There was still fight in me though.

I needed to prove to myself that age doesn’t have anything to do with this. For so long I had said, “well, 27 already… life is going to be over soon, better get cracking now.”  Life isn’t over. Age is just a number… it’s more about how you FEEL. And heck, I feel like I’m 16 (yea yea… mentally too I guess…).  Well, maybe not 16 physically, but I still feel very capable of doing things.  =-D

I also needed to make myself realize that it is okay to show my weaknesses. I’m a strong willed, independent woman who does not need SOMEONE to take care of me. But, sometimes I need help too and it’s okay to ask for it when I need it.

And finally, I needed to know that things I want in my life can be taken away from me. I knew I would graduate college, and that couldn’t be taken from me. But a trip with physical requirements could. But with a little hard work and a LOT of positive talk and a determination to make something happen helped put a stop to my dream trip being taken away from me.

You are all capable individuals. Capable of much greater than you think you are. If you have a dream, if you have a goal, if you have the smallest desire to go do something, what are you waiting for? Happiness is not delivered, it is chased. Achieve something you thought was impossible, and you realize that the world is your playground.  Those who sit back and are negative and who play the victim will wait a very long time to ever experience true happiness. But those who stay positive, work hard, and dedicate the time and effort needed to succeed will be immersed in it.

For me, at this point, it wasn’t necessarily about the injury anymore, but it was about the journey I took to heal not only my knee but my thoughts, and where it could and would lead me.

“Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life.” – Les Brown

Is This The End Of My Dreams? Maybe It Wasn't Meant To Be....

It was mid March. I was all registered for my exciting, time to finally live, journey with NOLS. I had made it onto the Gibbon Slackline Development Team…. I was flying high. All these amazing opportunities were presenting themselves. GO BIG OR GO HOME!

I love to stay fit and I love to exercise. I’ve done P90X, P90X2, Insanity, Asylum… I continue to play around during the open gym classes at a gymnastics club, I played volleyball in a coed league, and I was coaching and teaching like crazy.  Then it happened and I thought my world was going to end.
It was a Thursday night and I was playing in my coed volleyball league. We were down and I was giving it 200%, diving on the ground, running to save the ball before it hit the wall, being aggressive and not even bothering to take names while I was at it. I noticed some pain in my left knee after the second game, but I had iffy knees for years because of my extensive gymnastics, volleyball and track background. I thought I’d ice it tonight and move on like always in the morning. I had been working out like a madman lately. Had never felt so good in my life. Before this night I wasn’t even experiencing any of the usual knee pain. Possibly the calm before the storm?

Went to bed and woke up the next morning scared out of my mind. I couldn’t straighten my leg. What the heck!?! “It’s okay” I thought… “I’ll just push through it.” It was 5:30am and I needed to shower and get ready for work. I hobbled down the stairs and into the shower. I cried. I was scared. I think I ended up in denial that morning. Pretending like nothing was wrong…. I didn’t want to accept the fact that something serious had happened. “This could ruin everything for me”, is all I could think. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

At the E.R. the doctor gave me x-rays and told me it was a stressed muscle issue that would resolve itself in a day or two. Advised that if it was still an issue after that, to see an orthopedic doctor. NO WAY! It is going to get better, I know it!  Well, three days later and still absolutely no improvement. He was wrong.
The appointment with my orthopedic doctor was interesting. In walked this great looking doc who all I could do was warn that if he said the “s” word (surgery), I would have a break down. I was doing WAY too much internet research and knew the consequences of every possible knee injury along with recovery time. I was so scared that my NOLS trip was going to be a bust and that my dream of going pro for slacklining would never come true. I advised my doctor about this trip about 30 times just so he wouldn’t forget and so that maybe he’d magically make it better. It didn’t work. MRI results came back. Partially torn meniscus in my left knee. It tore and ended up jamming up my knee joint so that I could not fully extend nor bend it. Doctor said “you’re going to need surgery” and I kept my word. I was alone in a doctors office, hysterically crying. One of my low points in life for sure. I think the doctor felt a little awkward, unsure of what to do (even though I had warned him!) and he left and sent in his nurse. She hugged me and tried to make me feel better but nothing was going to work at that point. My only thought was “stupid knee has just ruined my chance to go on the NOLS course AND my slackline career…”

Now let me take a quick detour and explain to you that teaching physical education on crutches is probably one of the most strenuous, ridiculous, hilarious, and irritating thing ever! I taught from a computer rolling chair. Now sure it was fun to roll across the gym and give feedback to my students, and use my crutch as an ore, and just look ridiculous. During a 3 way volleyball game, 3 classes versus each other as just a fun day activity, I had wanted to get involved just like the other teachers had. I could do it!  Well… I did fine up until I rolled for the ball, caught my foot in the wheel, and face planted onto the floor in front of about 80 students. Laughed for a solid 3 minutes on the ground. Half the students looked concerned while the other half just laughed. Gotta love those 7th graders! It’s a good thing I’m resilient and not easily embarrassed. Needless to say… it was a long month and half on crutches.

I felt defeated. Miserable. I would cry sporadically and curse my knee constantly. My right leg was taking all the weight and it was tired. I was tired. And certainly uneasy and angry at the fact that a huge event for me, the thing that took everything in me to finally step outside my comfort zone and who I was as a person, that there was a possibility that it would be taken away from me. There was no postponing it. I wanted to do it this July. No questions. Sure, it could have been postponed, but I couldn’t think that way. The negativity just flowed through me. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be… my trip..nor going pro.

 This way of thinking would have to change…. And it would… and what made it change was something I never thought would have the effect it did on me….. but I’m glad it did.

To Be Continued.

The Unknown

One day in January of 2011, I was on facebook doing the normal “what’s everyone up to” thing when an ad caught my attention on the right side of the page. The ad was for NOLS and had a picture of a hiker… hmm. At this point I had already selected a masters program in Adventure Learning, and it seemed like maybe the two would fit together, so I clicked the button.
 I am an indoor rock climber in CT. Never thought there was much outdoors to climb around here. While looking through the National Outdoor Leadership School webpage, I found that it was indeed a school that teaches its’ students in the “real-world” setting of the wilderness. COOL!  Took a look at the class types and of course the Rock Climbing course caught my attention so I read up on it. There was a 30 day and a 21 day Rock Climbing Course in the Wind River Range of Wyoming that taught students all about outdoor rock climbing, leave no trace, some rescue skills, and basically how to travel and live in the wilderness.  WELL THIS SOUNDED FANTASTIC!!! Showed my mother who of course immediately said, “this is so you…” We quickly googled images of the Wind River Range and, well, you do it yourself and you’ll understand.
Emailed my advisor at my graduate school of Plymouth State University to find out if they accepted the schools credit for graduate school and to see if anyone had used a course for credit before. His reply came back as yes they do accept, as long as I follow the strict rules, and many students have used this approach. He also stated “As a former NOLS instructor and current wilderness educator, I believe that this process is an excellent way to bring these skills and competencies into your program of study. In particular the courses designated OE (Outdoor Educator) are particularly appropriate to this program. To complement this backcountry education, a student would want to be sure to take our 2-credit Risk Management in Experiential Education online course, which is taught in Winter terms, and occasionally in Summer term also as need dictates.”
SOLD!  But not on the outdoor educator course just yet… reasons?  Well they are a longer course and I am a full-time teacher which interfered with the course dates, and I needed to test the waters first. What if I hated it?
The whole entire month I went back and forth on whether or not to sign up, or not sign up. I have a ton of undergraduate students loans I still need to pay back, and I would probably have to pay for this course out of pocket… decisions, decisions.  One day in February, I bit the bullet and just went for it. I was kind of getting sick of my unsure attitude. I needed to live a little. Go crazy just once and take a course that will probably be the most physically and mentally challenging thing I will ever do in my life.  For goodness sake, I am 27 years old, in my first year of teaching, and my life is NOT over yet. So, it was done. On July 19th, 2012 I would be heading into the Wind River Range of Wyoming for a 3 week experience of a lifetime. And I had NO idea what to expect.
From there I booked plane tickets, transportation (there really isn’t much transportation in Wyoming…since there are probably more cows then there are humans), begged a store to sponsor me for some gear. I got lucky with a smaller local store who gave me some bucks for gear in exchange for product reviews and anything else they wanted from me. They hooked me up with some boots, jacket, new rock shoes and more. Would you believe, that everywhere I went for gear (Trailblazer, Eastern Mountain Sports, REI) there was at least one employee who assisted me on the floor or at the cash register that had taken a course. Talk about pumping me up. “It was such an incredible experience.” “Definitely life changing.” “You’re going to love it!”  And they had all taken different courses.  NOLS graduates are everywhere! From my advisor to the people who assisted me in picking gear… it’s amazing. Why haven’t I heard of this place before?!!?
The full nervousness of the whole thing didn’t hit me until I left for the airport at 3:00am the morning of the 7th of July. I was really doing this. I had finally stopped stressing about money, stressing about would I be fit enough to do this, and those other thoughts that come into your head when you are unsure. There was no turning back. I was alone, and heading out for the unknown. Something, at that time, I had no idea would change my life.

I kept a journal the entire 3 weeks of my course. I will share my thoughts and doings of each day on my blog in separate posts. I hope it inspires you to go do something you always wanted to do. Especially if there was something that was holding you back from doing it.  

Welcome to My Blog!

Hello!

I started this blog so that I could share with my family and friends, the incredible experiences I have had so far in my life. I write here in order to show others that age isn't anything but a number, girls can do things that boys can do too, exploring and trying new things can lead to a different outlook and quality of life, and that happiness does exist. If I can inspire just one person to get out and go do something they've always dreamed of trying, then my job is complete.
In my life I have experienced set backs and struggles just as everyone else has. I have succeeded, I have failed, and I have been average. I'm not the most amazing person in the world and I don't try to be.
I just want to share with others my stories. You can read them, or not, you can hate them, or love them. I am just here to share, so please join me if you wish. I will write of my National Outdoor Leadership course in Wyoming, my journey as a slackliner, my challenges to get through school, my athletic endeavors and more.
So relax, sit-down, and enjoy.

Be alive, Be positive, Be Motivated, Be happy, Be yourself.