August 8th, 2012: Last night I woke to the sound of….squirrels? Coyote? Sounded like something was dying for sure. Maybe it was in my head and it was just the feeling I have inside me…. Like something is dying.
We gathered up the gear and walked to the bus by ourselves in silent reflection. It was an eerie walk. I felt like my life was ending. I was afraid.
We were greeted with bagels, O.J., milk, cereal, yogurt, bananas, strawberries, scones..YUMMY!
Jared and I loaded up the top of the bus and secured all our packs with a rope. We ate breakfast quickly then off we were back to Lander. On the way back I did get to experience my first Wyoming construction area which resulted in the bus driver turning off the bus and resting his feet on the dash. “What the heck is going on???” I asked. Apparently we waited at least 10 minutes for a pilot car to come lead us past one lane of construction about 2 miles down the road. SO ODD!
We returned to NOLS and unloaded the bus and got straight to cleaning. Lee and I cleaned the kitchenware. THEN WE SHOWERED! I think us three girls were in there for about 45 minutes. HaHa. Then I de-issued my personal gear I rented and packed my bags. It was all so hurried and so weird. I was still happy to be with everyone though. We were told not to go crazy on the phones and to just make quick phone calls to our parents or loved ones. We needed time to get back to reality and settle in but at the same time realize we were still with each other and it was not over yet. To be honest, I didn’t want to call anyone. I did call my father though and then my mother, both VERY happy to hear I was still alive. Apparently I’m the kid that causes them heart issues with all the crazy things I do. I was happy to then turn my phone back off and remain calm and stress free.
Lillie’s parents let us borrow their car and we drove to the store to purchase fruit snacks! About 4 days in, Lillie and I discovered we both had an addiction to them, so we made a plan for that to be our first purchase when we returned. Then we drove to the Noble Hotel to drop off our things in our dorm room. Then it was back to NOLS for the BBQ lunch which was fun. We played some hacky sack and a boy from the other rock course recognized me from our climbing gym in CT. So weird!
The crew then walked to the headquarters to have a debriefing with some guy Darren we all assumed was someone very important. We evaluated the course, food, amenities, instructors, everything from start to finish. I got called out for my odd little bonding I had with someone and I’m pretty sure I blushed my way through it. We then got to take stickers and calendars and brochures and posters representing NOLS. We were very happy to take them. Then we went for a walk around town.
Before graduation, Andrew put on a hula hoop showing for us which was really awesome! Then we graduated. We sat in rows with an aisle on the “poop grass” and Andrew hooped while we all hummed pomp and circumstance and Jared and Adam called our names and handed us our certificates. It was hilariously odd. Totally fitting our group. Then we walked to the Gannett Grill for dinner followed by the Ice Cream Shack for dessert. I got a chokecherry shake and Jared tried to pay for mine since he did owe me ice cream (hitting me with his shoe), but I felt bad so I declined and paid for my own. Leave it to me to be the only person to have done that.
The crew then went off to do “things” and go to the movies and the instructors went to reunite and hang with friends in town, and I returned to the Noble Hotel by myself and continued to desensitize myself. I sat alone in the dark, in the rec room watching Juno on TV. I started getting texts from my friends, but I was still so overwhelmed. While I was away, one of my good friends wrote me a facebook message every day I was gone. But, I couldn’t read them. I couldn’t bring myself back. I felt stressed just looking at the texts and messages. Why was this happening?? I can’t explain it. I wanted to shut out that stress. I wasn’t ready for it. So, I ignored them. Will I regret this later? Maybe… but for once, I was doing something that felt good for MYSELF. And I just was not ready to open those doors again. In a way I wanted to rid my life of those stressors.
While sitting watching the movie and mentally analyzing what I was feeling, I was saved, once again, by Jared. He just always seems to be around at the right time. He poked his head around the corner asked why I was alone, and joined me to watch the end of the movie. I was happy to have company, and glad in a way that it was him. He just projects this calmness, something I needed at that time.
After the movie he asked if I played pool and I replied with “yeah, but I’m not any good.” He agreed that he wasn’t either and we played about 10 games of hilariously funny pool. I won 8 times…and I swear, I’m not usually that good! Jared won twice…once on a scratch I made on my break. We joked a lot and made deals that for every time he lost he owed me ice creams. Pretty sure some double or nothing’s came up too. At the end we decided he owed me 10, or maybe I decided that? He cheated a lot during the games too… “walking the dog.” Fell on the floor laughing numerous times. I had a great night.
The crew returned, more pool was played, and then we were kicked out of the rec room around 12:00am for bed. I went to bed smiling one last time.
August 9th, 2012: This is it. I woke up, packed my things and dropped my bags in the foyer and went with Paige and Lillie to grab breakfast and hot chocolate at the café across the street. We all said our goodbyes and people trickled out. Some had left before I even woke up. Our shuttle showed up, and we said or goodbyes to the last remaining peers and Jared. I hugged Jared and thanked him for everything he had done for me. But in a way, I don’t think he quite realizes all that he has done for me. I hope one day that one of my students gets something this great from an experience I helped give to them.
I got onto the shuttle with Rich, Jack and Dalton and students from the other course and we were off to the Riverton Airport.
I’m sad. I don’t want to lose this feeling of odd relaxation and no stress. I feel slowed and calm and I have never once in my life felt this way. Is it the mountains? Is it the people? I don’t know if I’ll ever know the answer. I do NOT want to leave and if I weren't contracted to teach this year, I don’t think I would. I thought that my visit coming up to Colorado was going to be better, but there are just too many people and things there. I think I fell in love with the quiet emptiness that Wyoming offers. It is so peaceful, everything the East Coast is not.
The End?
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