I am 27 years old and in no way interested in having children anytime soon. Between being a teacher and having about 600 kids that I say goodbye to at 2:30 five times a week and the kids that I coach, I think I have plenty of kids that fulfill that maternal drive…even though I’m sure I’m lacking some of that.
With that said, believe it or not, there is a group of children that I hold dear to my heart and I call them “my kids.” I push them hard, I yell at them, they make me cry, I make them cry, I am proud of their accomplishments, I am disappointed in their bad decisions, and I love them like they were my own. I may not know how to share or even show these feelings, but they are there.
I have coached some of “my kids” for almost 9 years… I have watched them grow into the young adults they are today. I have watched them stumble, try to figure out who they are, make mistakes, fight with each other, go through break-ups and first loves….everything a mother would experience. I continue to watch these things happen with my older kids as well as my younger kids. My focus in this blog however, is on my older kids… the kids that I have watched grow the most.
About a year ago, as I drove home from practice one day, I began to think about the fact that “my kids” would be graduating high school within the next couple of years. They came to me in middle school and elementary school, and soon they would be moving on and leaving us behind. I cried that day and called my father who has been coaching in this program for 20 years to see if this was “normal.” He replied that it was. We create such strong bonds with our kids that the proud but sad feeling you get when you realize it may be ending soon definitely hits hard.
I have been through a lot with “my kids.” I have suspended them from my practices for things they have done outside of my gym, I have screamed at them, walked out of practices for being disrespected, I have sat them out of practices for poor decisions and for avoiding responsibility. Every time I believe that they will hate me. My fear of losing any one of “my kids” is a strong one. But, I am not afraid to accept that fact in hopes that my disciplinary actions will make them better human beings. I am willing to sacrifice my connection with “my kids” so that they, if not now but hopefully at some point in the future, will realize and understand that everything I ever do to them is FOR them. It is so they can learn and grow to be the responsible, hardworking and respectful individuals I know they could be. I never want any of “my kids” to feel like they will never become anything great in this world, because they all have the potential to be the exact opposite. I KNOW they can all be successful individuals that can create positive changes in this world. I have seen glimpses of this in every one of them. And this is what mothers see in their own children right?
At times their parents fail to understand why I do what I do to their children, but in a way I think that the kids do understand. Even if they don’t want to admit it. What their parents fail to realize sometimes, is that their kids are “my kids.” I am solely responsible for them when I take them on weekend or week long events. When they have problems, they come to me. When I see them sad or angry, I am concerned and try to fix the situation. I have spent night’s playing cards with them, goofing around with them, letting them break rules and then getting them to follow the rules. I have trusted them and have been hurt at times. I have felt everything that their parents have felt. So, I have no problem pushing them and disciplining them as hard as their parents do. So far, I have lost none of “my kids” from this. I don’t know why this is; I thought I would have lost some of them a long time ago. Whether it is their connection to me, or just what my organization gives to them, or if their parents force them to continue to come, it doesn't matter. If they leave for college one day, and never think of me again, it doesn't matter. They are still a very big and special part of my life and no matter where my life takes me or where their life takes them, I will always be interested and affected by their disappointments and accomplishments. I will be there for them and will be routing for their success forever.
So when I yell, cry, discipline or walk out, it’s because I love you....... and know you’re better than that. I am proud of who you all have become and know you will do great things in the future. I appreciate everything you have done for me and our organization. Some of you have changed me and made me realize things about myself too. I am thankful you have all allowed me into your lives. Thank you.
